Parasocial Relationships
As an avid podcast listener, social media user, and person who exists on the internet, I’ve become increasingly aware of parasocial relationships. Often, it allows me to create some semblance of a connection, even with someone I haven’t met. When I first came to Japan, I really relied on these parasocial connections to combat loneliness. Lately, I’ve begun to wonder if they’re really a good thing.
A parasocial relationship is a one sided relationship, one that forms alongside knowledge, and feelings of intimacy for someone who doesn’t know you. In so many ways, our current media ecosystem is designed to foster these exact dynamics. Information about others is so readily available, that it creates more opportunities to form attachments to people you’ve never met.
While I’ve grown up in the age of the internet, from my view, it used to be that you saw a celebrity in a movie, and perhaps sought out more of their works. You could watch every TV and movie appearance they made, and perhaps you developed a connection with them, but you didn’t have more information than that. Today, every new show or movie has endless press interviews, and more information about their lives is made public than ever before.
Social media is of course a huge contributor to this phenomenon. You get to see more of someone’s daily life, even if it’s manicured and curated to beyond the point of being “authentic”, it can still feel real. You can follow your favorite celebrities through their daily life, and gain a sense that you’ve gained access to their world. That kind of access can be a double edged sword, for both parties.
Chappel Roan, who has exploded in popularity recently, has recently spoken out about the behavior of some of her fans. Of course, the behavior in question is happening in person, but I believe it’s also an extension of their perceived “already existing” relationship. They may believe they already know Chappel Roan, and therefore are entitled to her time and attention. When Roan has (rightfully) enforced her boundaries, they have been met with disdain.
In this digital age, we’re not accustomed to being told no. If we want to know someone’s age, date of birth, or even dating history, it’s all available online. You can see endless articles of the timeline of every single relationship Taylor Swift has ever had. We have commodified the lives of celebrities, and turned them into idols we can project our feelings onto, regardless of the person underneath.
Of course, it’s not all negatives though. The Free Britney movement was truly made possible by social media, it gave us a glimpse into her life, and let us develop deeper connections than something like TV appearances would allow. It gave Britney a platform to, seemingly, appeal to her fans directly, and allowed her fans to respond in kind. This was a parasocial relationship that was able to benefit both her, and her audience.
In my own life, podcasts have been a great source of comfort. Being able to hear familiar voices each week makes me feel less alone. I don’t have many friends here in Japan, but without fail, I can hear the voices of “my friends” talking to each other, and almost feel like I’m a part of their conversation. Sometimes, I even catch myself responding out loud to their conversation, as if they could hear me.
Over dozens, or even hundreds of hours of listening to people discuss their interests, lives, and feelings, it would be difficult not to become attached in some capacity. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but sometimes I worry I prefer the comfortable safety of a parasocial relationship, over venturing outside of my comfort zone to pursue a real relationship.
Or, we can see the dangerous behavior that spills into real world interactions, that could well be fostered through parasocial relationship dynamics. We aren’t used to seeing boundaries being placed on our relationship with celebrities, because we are given access to such large amounts of their lives. We can see what they eat, how they spend their time, their highs, and their lows, all on display for anyone who wants to view it.
I wish I had more concrete solutions or considerations, but this is a multifaceted problem. Celebrities generally want to create parasocial relationships, because that’s now part of being a “fan” of someone. Social media furthers these relationships by giving people greater access to celebrities, but if it wasn’t social media it would be interviews, or youtube, or streaming.
Even non-celebrities have to learn to navigate parasocial relationships. You could post on your social media, only to get constant responses from other users that you’ve never met. I’ve had to realize that constant responses to other user’s instagram stories is not a relationship, and perhaps I need to set my own boundaries around social media use.
At times, I feel rejected, that people I follow won’t engage or interact with me, despite following them for a long time, or interacting with their content. I feel as though I might know them on some level, and face frustration when they won’t reciprocate my interest. I feel some level of entitlement to their time and attention, and that doesn’t feel healthy.
Social media has changed so much of our lives, and these changes have happened so quickly that I’m not sure I’ve really reckoned with how they impact me, and my mental health. I recently tried to “clean up” my instagram, by unfollowing people who were causing me to feel worse about my own body image, through no fault of their own mind you. But, maybe I need to set further boundaries on people who I feel some level of entitlement towards.
Things have changed a lot from when I first started using Facebook at 13, and while I’ve never been a huge poster of social media, I’ve probably used it daily since then. I’m not sure I’ll ever do a full social media break, how else would I drive traffic to this blog, or keep in touch with people back home? I do feel like I need to reexamine its role in my life though.
Why do I use social media? What do I want to get out of it? What value is following an account adding to my life? Parasocial relationships is a complex issue, especially since social media plays a large role in it, and that’s an even larger issue. Have you noticed any shifts in the way you use social media over the years, or the connection you feel towards celebrities, or even non-celebrities?
Thankfully, I have this blog to at least attempt to work through my thoughts and feelings. Maybe the emphasis I’ve unknowingly placed on parasocial relationships has hindered my ability to form real relationships. Perhaps the loneliness I’ve struggled with in Japan is a gilded cage of my own making. Or maybe it’s been a source of comfort in an unfamiliar environment.
Thing bad, or thing good is an easy way to see the world, but the world is full of nuance. Odds are, you need to define for yourself what level of parasocial connection you’re comfortable with, and it really is something you should consider. Most relationships benefit from being examined with a critical eye, and without it, your behavior might stretch too far, and become harmful to both you, and the recipient of your affections.
