The Way Of Gift Giving
As the Christmas season draws close, in some small way I start to get excited for the holidays. In a much larger way, I start to dread having to buy presents for the people in my life.
I’ve never been good at buying Christmas gifts, I miss the days of elementary school where half the time you would simply make a gift in class, then give that to your parents. As an adult, I finally understand their response when I would ask them what they wanted, and they would mostly shrug.
When you’re a kid, you have such limited money, that there’s almost always an endless list of things you want. I could usually name no less than 5 games I wanted at any given time. Every Christmas morning felt epic, because I could receive things I could never get on my own.
As an adult, most of the games I want I tend to buy, or I know that I can wait for a sale. I also tend to be more content with what I have, I still have plenty of older games I could go back and play. It's not so much that I don’t want anything, but more that I don’t really need anything.
Since I’ve gotten older, I mostly found the best gifts I’ve received are things I didn’t know I wanted. Clothes that I will happily wear, but might not have bought for myself. Earrings or accessories that I always seem to lose, but very rarely buy. Makeup brushes based on a favorite anime, because I do my makeup with relative frequency, but never invest in it.
Maybe it’s simply that things outside your main interest tend to catch you by pleasant surprise. I like more than just games, and that tends to be my focus, so I almost forget things in my periphery. I like fashion, or makeup, or skincare, but I usually forget about it, or write them off as too expensive.
Yet anything I get one of those things as a gift, I’m over the moon. It’s both something I know I’ll use, and feels like a luxury, something I wouldn’t have gotten myself. With this adulthood gift receiving revelation, you would think I’d be able to apply this to other people, and become an ace gift giver. Sadly, you would be mistaken.
Now, not to assign blame, but I have long been enabled by my mother and sister. Oftentimes for special occasions I would ask them for ideas, and they would either have suggestions ready, or have something we could go in on together. Sometimes my mom would simply inform me of the present that I would be giving to my sister, I would just nod and transfer over the money.
This does turn gift giving into a chicken or the egg scenario. Am I hopeless because I relied on my mom and sister, or did I rely on them because I’m hopeless? For my own sake, I hope it’s the former, because as the circle of people I might buy gifts for expands, I find myself on my own more often.
Though, like asking my parents for suggestions, I’ve now turned to the next best thing, asking the significant other. Since they see them more often, they’re able to catch all those small mentions or off hand comments of things that could be good gifts. Once, a friend sent me their wife’s reading list, and I just grabbed a book or two off that.
While I think the feeling of giving someone something that feels like a luxury they wouldn’t purchase for themselves is a good instinct, I also want to give them something they want. My parents' approach was, “tell us what you want, and we’ll get it”. They usually had a surprise or two on Christmas day, but for me, that worked out perfectly.
This did lead to some tension over the years though. My sister both wanted the surprise of not knowing what she would get, but also wanted to get what she wanted. Not an unsympathetic position, that’s really the ideal gift giving experience right? Although, that’s a lot of pressure to put on the gift giver, especially if they’re buying you more than just one present.
I broadly adopted my parents' style of gift giving, tell me what you want and I’ll get it, but there is a sense of that being slightly more transactional. I’ve done Christmas presents like that with a partner, and it did feel a bit less exciting. I got to enjoy my present alongside them, which was nice, but not quite the feeling of Christmas magic in action.
I’m hoping to try and strike a balance between the two. Perhaps idealistic, but it might be nice to alternate between trying to surprise someone on one occasion, and ensure they get something they want the next time. Of course, depending on the person that might be a year or more apart, which makes things a lot trickier.
On some level, I also wonder if I overthink gift giving. Even when I’ve received gifts that I didn’t love, I always appreciated the thought. I would try to find some way to fit it into my life, because when someone thought of me, this is what they thought I might like. Cheesy as it is, the thought really does count for a lot.
I’ve still got a long way to go before I feel like I’ve gotten any good at gift giving, don’t even get me started on wrapping, but at least I feel like my heart is in the right place. At least, I hope it is, and hopefully people in my life will feel the same when I get them something they might be feigning excitement for.
If you have any gift giving strategies, or better yet, a manual, please share it with me. Gift giving, regardless of our comfort level with it, is something that we all have to go through, yet the experience of it always seems so personal. Some people just seem to come by it easily, or maybe they’ve thought about it long and hard, and practiced until they seemingly do it with ease.
Gift giving aside, I hope you’re all able to enjoy the holiday season, however you celebrate. I know I can’t wait to be back home spending Christmas with the family. Ideally, I also give them some pretty great gifts, but I might ask my mom and my sister for some advice first.
