The Social Norm

Like any culture, Japan has its share of social norms. Rules or practices that everyone is expected to know, or quickly learn, and follow. Theoretically, these guidelines are meant to form a common understanding of how one is supposed to behave. However, when you’re from a culture that has a completely different set of cultural norms, it can be rather difficult to adjust. 

I knew some of the social norms here in Japan just through osmosis from anime, as well as taking some Japanese courses in university. Greetings are usually down through a bow, the level of respect or formality dictating how deep your bow should be. Handshakes or hugs are rather uncommon here in Japan, at least in my experience. When someone offers me a handshake, likely trying to make me more comfortable, it often has the opposite effect. 

Back home, everyone knows the ballpark standards for a handshake, firm grim (at least for men), eye contact, and two shakes. My first handshake here in Japan I think I used to firm a grip, as the other person had a much more ginger touch. Having people try to conform to a social norm they’re not used to can often have an awkward effect, something that I still feel from time to time. 

A lot of social norms from back home transfer over, or were at least considered good manners. Being punctual, not being too loud in public spaces, forming an orderly line, things like that. What’s different is the degree to which those things are practiced. People in Japan seem to be extra punctual, and I’m often the last person to enter the office at work, sneaking in just a minute or two before the first bell. 

On the trains, there are many signs telling commuters to turn their phone to silent. Taking a phone call on public transportation, like a train or bus, is considered rather rude. People chat quietly in pairs, and the volume level has never come close to a typical skytrain ride back home. Even with more people on the trains, it’s still quiet enough to hear yourself think, and for many people to fall asleep. 

Japan, like Canada, has a shoes off policy when entering someone’s house. However, here that policy extends to more places than you might think. I’ve had to take my shoes off when entering several temples, walking around barefoot. At school, I have a pair of indoor shoes at my main school that I change into everyday when entering the school. I keep a second pair of indoor shoes in my car to bring with me to my various school visits. 

When I first went to these schools, I was given a pair of visitor slippers. I thought for sure these things would be the death of me. I’d generously place them at about a size 9, two sizes too small for my feet. I curled my feet around them trying to keep my feet inside and not roll my ankle in the process. Thankfully, I haven’t had to wear them since, assuming I don’t forget my shoes. 

I’ve written before about omiyage, another custom here in Japan where you’re expected to give a small gift when taking time off and going on a trip. My pile of omiyage at home continues to grow, someday I need to eat all those various small snacks before they overtake my kitchen completely. Gift giving seems to extend beyond just omiyage, but personally I’ve yet to give or receive other kinds of gifts, like for holidays or birthdays. 

In the office, I noticed a few differences in typical behavior from the west. Blowing your nose in public in Japan is rather frowned upon, so it’s not uncommon to hear my co-workers sniffling endlessly rather than blow their nose. If I need to blow my nose I typically excuse myself to the bathroom, make sure no one else is in there with me, then let it rip. 

Back home, I’ve been scolded by family members for doing that exact thing. Sometimes I wouldn’t think to blow my nose, so I would just sniffle endlessly, thinking nothing of it. Then someone would ask me if I needed a tissue or to blow my nose, insinuating they were long since tired of the sniffling. 

Also in the office, I was rather caught off guard by the sound of people brushing their teeth after lunch. Sometimes going so far as to audibly gargle before spitting in whatever sink was closest to them. High schools often have sinks in the middle of the hallways for students to wash their hands, brush their teeth, or for cleaning purposes. 

Speaking of cleaning, Japanese high school students are responsible for keeping their school clean. At the end of each school day there is a dedicated 15 minutes where students clean their classrooms, the halls, bathrooms, and empty the trash throughout the school. Some teachers also participate, or more likely ensure the students are actually doing the cleaning. 

I’m still a little mixed on this practice, it’s probably a good way to help students respect their surroundings and learn a little discipline. On the other hand, I wouldn’t always say the school stays as clean as my high school did. It makes sense, I doubt many students would be eager to clean the toilets as thoroughly as someone might when it was their paid job. There still seems to be maintenance staff at schools, but cleaning doesn’t seem to be their primary responsibility.

Perhaps more of a cultural norm than a social one, but there’s a notable shift in identity when it comes to group settings. Individualism is a lot more emphasized in the west, excelling as an individual, individual identity, ect. Here in Japan, the focus is a lot more on the collective and harmony within social groups. 

From my point of view, I see this commonly with students. Students don’t like to answer too often, even when they know the right answer. Often, I either get multiple hands or responses from students, or I get none. At times, I’ve had to resort to picking students randomly from the class roster, just to move the activity along. This is further reinforced by the dress code at schools, there’s a somewhat strict school uniform, and guidelines all students must follow. 

Students often even have similar haircuts, and with Japan being a monoculture, it can be difficult to learn student’’ names as they don’t have many distinct differences that would help distinguish them. Even some of the other teachers have admitted to not knowing all the students in a class, and they see them far more often than I do. Making this even more difficult is the ever present masks many students and teachers wear. 

Many people probably know about the mask culture in Japan, they were popular long before Covid. Though even knowing this conceptually, seeing every second person wearing a mask is quite the contrast from back home. There is a bit of difference in atmosphere I’ve noticed between classes where the whole class wears a mask, or classes where the ratio is a bit more even. 

Masks are popular, of course, for preventing the spread of illness, like with covid. Japan has a much larger, and denser population, so wearing masks certainly cuts down on the spread of germs. It’s also a popular fashion item, as there are all sorts of designs available for masks that could heighten your outfit. Personally, I think it also speaks to the more reserved culture here in Japan. 

With a mask, you’re able to hide your reactions a bit better, yawn whenever you need, and have a sort of buffer between you and the world. Another social norm in Japan is the prevalence of indirect communication. Often, Japanese people are slower to reveal their true feelings, and rely on others to “Ba no Kuuki wo Yomu”, literally meaning “read the air”. Other, likely better, translations of this phrase are “understanding the situation without words” or “sensing someone’s feelings”.

When given a compliment in Japan, rather than accept and say thank you, like in the west, Japanese people are more likely to downplay or reject the compliment. If you invite someone out for an activity, and they aren’t interested or able to attend, rather than say no and provide the reason, they might give an answer I learned in college, “Sore wa chotto…”, translated literally to “that’s a little…”. 

Again, these venture into more cultural observations, but what is culture but a larger collection of social cues and norms we’re expected to follow? Social norms develop due to the broader culture, and so it makes sense that certain social norms are emblematic of the culture writ large. Slowly learning these social norms over time has given me hints about what the culture here in Japan is like, and what values are more prioritized. 

Now that I’ve gotten used to some of these social norms, I actually quite like them. Sometimes I picture myself bowing to strangers or staff at a store when I get back home. I’m a little too old and too steeped in western culture to view the collective above the individual, or shift my communication style to be less direct. Hopefully I can play the foreigner card in that regard, and get a free pass. 

There’s still plenty of social norms I have yet to talk about, like honorifics, paying using a tray to avoid direct contact, and social cues when eating or at a restaurant. I’m sure there’s even social norms that I’ve yet to learn! What are some social norms you observed in where you're from, what norms do you like, or not like? 

Social norms, love them or hate them, are a kind of social contract we’re all bound by. If you refuse to practice them, or are in a new setting and unfamiliar with the norms, it shows. You can end up sticking out, or even being rude unintentionally. I had to learn some of these the hard way, or was caught off guard by them. If you plan to travel to Japan I think these are all important things to at least be aware of. Kiotsukete ne?