The Journey So Far

I arrived in Japan November 6th, so it’s been about 2 and a half months since I started my new life in Japan.

In just two months I’ve settled into a new apartment, opened a bank account, registered with city hall, got a lease for a car, and started working as an English teacher at 4 different schools. It’s been a wild ride to say the least.

It’s been a mix of good days and bad, with the first two weeks probably being the most difficult.

Everything was so new and exciting, but so overwhelming. Everyday was something new, something that I didn’t understand, further exacerbated by the language barrier. 

At two months, things are still new and exciting, but I’ve at least seen them before. I have a few go-to places I’ve grown comfortable with, like a ramen restaurant that knows how many vegetables I want.

Or when I get to the grocery store, even though I still can’t read many of the labels, I know what carton of milk I usually get. 

My Japanese really hasn’t improved since I’ve arrived, for the most part I’m still too nervous to initiate a conversation in Japanese, and have yet to make any Japanese friends.

I mostly plan my responses to how the usual pattern of conversation goes. At 7-11 they’ll always ask if I need a bag, and I’ll say I’m alright. If I buy something that’s often microwaved they’ll ask if I want it warmed up and I’ll say no thank you.

I think my Japanese is okay when I’m saying short phrases or planning out a sentence ahead of time. I often get compliments that my pronunciation is pretty good, I guess endless hours of anime is good for something!

When someone responds to me though, I have trouble both understanding what they said, and forming a response. No subtitles to read in the real world.

I often have time at work that I could use for studying, but self study has always been difficult for me. I’ve looked into Japanese classes locally but also haven't had much luck.

It's tough to want to expose myself to more Japanese after I’ve been around it all day at work or from everyone around me.

Often when I get home I just want to curl up and listen to English podcasts, things I can easily understand even if only half paying attention.

While it’s gotten a bit better over time, when I first arrived I was always exhausted after work. It felt like my brain was working overtime to translate and understand each conversation around me, even if the words and sentence structures were totally beyond my comprehension.

I hope I’m able to find a patient conversation partner, or some local classes to help me improve soon. One of my goals when coming here was to get to around N3 level, and at the moment I’m probably somewhere between N5 and N4. 

I’ve tried to give myself a lot of grace, coming to a new country is difficult enough, adding expectations on what I should be doing or accomplishing isn’t going to help.

It’s a fine line between pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone and being cruel to yourself. 

Some days when I’m holed up in my apartment playing video games for hours at a time I chide myself for not taking advantage of the opportunities that I have.

I could be trying to integrate myself into the community, trying new activities or joining interest clubs. On the other hand, I’ve only been here for 2 months, it’s really a miracle I’ve made it this far only crying a handful of times. 

It’s the tug of war in my brain that’s been the biggest uphill battle. I want to make use of my time here, remember the reasons I wanted this experience in the first place and capitalize on any opportunities. Conversely, I miss home. I miss my friends, family, and a sense of community.

Then there’s the looming decision of recontracting. At JET, you typically make your decision if you want to stay another year in December, even though your contract ends in August.

I can understand why, there’s lots of moving parts and things to organize. In my case, I’ll likely be making my decision in January, but 2 and a half months is a very small time to base my decision on.

I can’t help but think of all the things I’ll be missing back home, how big my nephew will have gotten by the time I see him next.

I also have no guarantee that things’ll go my way if I decide to stay. I worry that what if I’m never able to build a community, or my Japanese doesn’t improve. Maybe this is as good as it gets.

These thoughts go around and around in my head if I let them. I mostly try to keep busy, especially if I have a lot of down time around the house.

Weekends were probably the loneliest I felt when I came to Japan. Until I met a shining light in the dark, another English teacher in a different program.

After the initial awkwardness of meeting someone new, they became my regular drinking buddy. Getting together every weekend to hang out, explore the city, and blow off some steam.

As another native English speaker from America we just get each other in ways I couldn’t even perceive before coming to Japan.

Even Japanese people with stellar English skills are different to communicate with. The cultural background, language use, slang, cadence, and pronunciation are all just so different when compared to speaking with other native English speakers.

We don’t have to work to be understood, our cultural touchstones are similar, and we often have similar gripes about living in Japan.

We’re only about 2 years apart in age, and have some similar interests. They’re in their second year here in Japan, though I can speak more Japanese.

Without having met them I think I’d be having a much harder time. It’s nice to vent these feelings of being an outsider to someone who understands.

We can lament how hard it is making Japanese friends, how different schools are here compared to back home, and the quirks we often see in Japanese people and their culture.

Occasionally we stray a little too far into complaining, but I think it’s only healthy. You need to get those grievances out so they don’t build into real resentment.

I love being here in Japan, it often still feels like a dream. Sometimes I wake up and don’t know where I am, wondering when my sheets turned pink.

It’s also tough, coming from such a diverse area like Canada, to a mono-culture like Japan. There are days I won’t see a single other foreigner, even more rare if they look like me.

Lately, I’ve just been trying to take things in stride. It’s okay not to understand, or be struggling with the language. Just keep putting your best foot forward, and believe things will shake out for the best, like you did back home.

I can always play the foreigner card if I don’t understand or make a mistake. And if you have a bad week I have a lovely friend I can rant to until I feel better. 

I’m also very lucky I started doing yoga with my mom before coming to Japan. Online yoga classes through YouTube have been unparalleled in helping ground me in my body and recenter my thoughts. 

There’s still plenty of bad days, but with a growing familiarity, a good friend, and lots of downward dog, I think I’ll be okay. I don’t know if I’ll achieve all my goals or my wildest dreams. For a long time I wasn’t even sure if I would make it this far.

But I’m here, I made it. I have a new life here in Japan, and for now just trying to enjoy each day is enough for me. It also makes for some pretty good blog content hey? ;P