Minimal Motivation

I, like most people, am many things. However, one thing I’m not, or have ever been really, is terribly motivated. I’ve never felt the need to “grind” or felt the fear that I was wasting my time or my youth when I was supposed to be out there working hard to achieve, whatever it is young people are supposed to achieve. 

While grind or hustle culture can certainly be harmful when taken to extremes, it’s also a mindset I rather respect. Unless I’ve really taken an interest in a particular goal, or placed myself in a structure that keeps me accountable, like school, I tend to run out of steam pretty quick. I’ve tried starting a Twitch channel, launching a dropshipping website, making countless games, and more. 

Abandon projects, in some ways, are how we find out what really matters to us. I could say that those other projects just didn’t spark something in me, or perhaps it wasn’t the right time. In my case though, perhaps I just don’t have that stick-to-itiveness that we’re supposed to develop in adolescence. 

I certainly don’t mean this as a flex, but school was rather easy for me. I mostly did my homework, and rarely studied, but was still a solid B student. I knew some of my peers who worked harder than I did, but still had worse grades than me. My brain and personality just seemed to match the school environment that I ended up in. 

Unfortunately, this made me somewhat lazy. When I went into university, I would probably have had a hard time adjusting, no matter where I went. For whatever reason, I ended up in a one year intensive program where I regularly stayed at school for 12 hours or more. 

I’m proud of myself for finishing the program without getting too burned out, but I do wish I’d waited a year or two to develop better habits before taking on such a challenge. I always wonder if there was more I could have gotten out of the program if I had waited, or pushed a little harder while I was a student. 

Of course, there’s no way of knowing. Maybe I needed to have that rude awakening to force myself to confront my somewhat lazy nature. While I hope I’ve improved in that regard, I still have some bad habits I’m not quite sure I’ll be able to kick. 

I’ve always been a procrastinator, and without a deadline I’d probably never get anything done. If I don’t have a timeline looming over my head, I’ll take my time, tell myself I can always do it tomorrow, and kick the can just a little further down the road. 

Starting things is always one of my biggest struggles. Once I start doing an activity or a task it’s usually easier just to finish it than stop in the middle and come back to it later. Something about the starting of a task, no matter how minute, just seems impossible to me. If I thinking about the dishes piling up in my sink, the task just seems too daunting, not pressing enough, or whatever excuse serves me at the time. 

Weirdly, the solution for this is sometimes just starting. If I wait for my mind to finally relent and agree to whatever task I’ve been putting off, odds are it’ll never get done. Instead, if I just walk to the counter, turn on the tap, and start washing the dishes, regardless of how my internal monologue feels about the issue, I’ll get it done. 

Usually, my mind and my body need to be in harmony to get things done. In this case, I can get my body on board far quicker than my mind. My hands probably don’t care how I feel about doing the dishes, they just know the motions they’re supposed to make in order to get things clean. 

Perhaps my motivation problems stem from me being an overthinker, or my inner monologue never being able to shut off. During my down time, I often like to have two things competing for my attention at a time, like playing a game and listening to a podcast. Trying to process auditory and visual information, while having physical inputs with my hands, seems to scratch a lovely itch somewhere deep in my brain. 

Sometimes I think it’s just that my attention span is fried due to social media, and I just need constant information or my mind will wander. Then again, maybe I’m just understimulated at times. I remember in elementary school, back when I used to read a lot more, I would read books on indoor lunch days due to the rain. My peers would often remark that they couldn’t read with all the noise from the other kids, though it never really bothered me. 

I certainly like to have lots going on, but when something has my attention, it usually has my full attention, or at least around 70% of it. Most of my writing is done in the staff room with one ear bud in listening to music, while the other is listening for the sounds of my co-workers, or anyone else who might demand my attention. 

Plenty of articles I’ve read about writing discuss having a space free of distractions, isolated from the world, just their computer screen and a keyboard. That kind of sterile environment truly sounds like a nightmare to me. Almost any task I’m given is accompanied by at least some music playing in the background. 

I couldn’t begin to tell you what any of these means, all I know is that is the way I’m wired. Some people like silence, or only a single task or form of stimulation in front of them. I seem to thrive with one main task, and other forms of stimulation demanding just enough of my attention to keep my inner monologue at bay. 

So, how do I channel the person that I am in ways that make me a more productive individual and positively affect my life? Well, that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? If I’d managed to figure all that out, I’d probably have given a TED talk or written a book on it by now. 

All in all, I’m not sure being a little on the lazy side bothers me all that much. Perhaps I simply lack ambition, but what do I truly need to accomplish that demands a change in lifestyle? Taking things at my own pace, as slow as that pace tends to be, doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to me. Sure I’m a bad procrastinator, but I get things done, eventually. 

Forcing myself to be someone I’m not, without a very good reason, just seems like invalidating the person that I am. I may not be rising and grinding, but I rarely get burnt out, or spread myself too thin. Maybe I won’t be the person to change the world, but I might be happier for it really. 

Like all things, there’s a balance to be found. If my personal balance is a little on the lazy side though, well maybe that’s just what works best for me. The more motivated people in my life can encourage me to kick things up a notch, and I can encourage them to take their foot of the gas a little. My motivation may be minimal, but maybe that’s enough for me.