All good things have to come to an end, and after 6 incredible days, it was time to leave paradise. It’s sad anytime a trip comes to an end, but something about leaving Okinawa hit me differently. For the first time, I got hit with a bout of post-trip depression. 

When I got back from my scuba diving experience, I took a quick nap, rubbed some lotion over my developing sunburn, and got ready for my final night in Okinawa. I could think of no better send off for my time in Okinawa than drinking at my favorite bar, morning flight tomorrow be damned. 

The bartenders knew it was my final night in Okinawa, and almost seemed to share my apprehension about leaving. Of course, for them life would go on, but for the past few days I had become a regular. My final night out included buying tequila shots for myself and the bartenders, and reminiscing about the time I spent both at this bar, and in Okinawa. 

Eventually, the night got blurry, and my flight loomed ever closer, so I said my farewells, and went back to my hotel. I tried to burn the scenery into my brain, as you never know when, or if you’ll get the chance to return when you travel somewhere. The bridge that crosses the river. The overpass that crosses a busy intersection where I was always too impatient to wait for the light. I wanted to remember it all, insignificant as it might be. 

When morning came, I went through the motions, as if in a daze. I packed my bag, walked to the train station, and went to the airport. I would fly into Osaka, where I would spend a few more days before heading home. I had an unsatisfying breakfast at the airport, and was in a bit of a foul mood. It wasn’t until I was seated on the plane that it really clicked. I didn’t want to leave. 

When it came time to leave most places, I was usually ready to go. For the first time, I was wishing I could stay longer. I would have traded my stay in Osaka for more time in Okinawa in a heartbeat. When I landed in Osaka, I realized I wasn’t excited to be here. At worst, I resented being here. 

My original plan had been to go to Universal Studios Japan, and spend a day in Kyoto. While I was there, I just couldn’t get myself excited to do either of those things. Universal Studios would be too crowded, and the tickets were the most expensive they could be. It was a holiday week, everyone would be there, I should just skip it. 

Kyoto was too far, it would be so exhausting taking the train, exploring new places, then coming all the way back to Osaka. I found myself filled with excuses, a million reasons not to do anything. Instead, I just wanted to stay in my hotel room, sleeping in too late, only venturing out for food, even skipping meals at times. 

I would go out at night, checking out different bars, but never found anything that came close to my favorite bar in Okinawa. A bar I was fond of here in Osaka was closed for Obon week, and while it was supposed to be open on my last night here, it never did. It’s not like I made any super close connections in Okinawa, and yet, I felt lonely. 

My time in Osaka came and went, and while I often tried to spur myself to enjoy my time here, most of my trip was spent in my hotel room. I tried to convince myself I would regret spending my time in that way, and I do, but I just couldn’t push myself to get excited for anything. Eventually, I was looking forward to it being over. I just wanted to go home. 

Depression is not a new phenomenon to me. I’ve struggled with it off and on during my life, and in Canada seasonal depression would set in most winters. This was the first time it’d been triggered by travel though, and I felt pretty caught off guard. I hadn’t expected to love Okinawa so much, nor had I anticipated leaving would bring on such negative feelings. 

If I could go back and do it all over, I would just skip my time in Osaka all together. It felt like a waste of money, and I spent my time at war with myself, expecting more from myself than just hiding in a hotel room. Depression is a difficult battle between wanting to give yourself grace, and trying to motivate yourself to push through it. You need both, but it’s a delicate balance to strike. 

I’m not proud of how I spent my time in Osaka, and it might be a while before I go back, if at all. It still feels like a bit of a sore spot at times. I’ve been proud of myself for how I’ve handled solo traveling so far. I might go into things a little underprepared, but that’s led to some really great experiences, and I’ve always been good at rolling with the punches. 

I think I learned some lessons though. I might have overestimated how much travel I could do at once, or maybe I’ll finally realize that going in without a solid plan gives me too much room to talk myself out of things. 

For Okinawa I had a day by day itinerary that for the most part I stuck to. For Osaka, I had some good ideas, but perhaps without having them written down, some kind of semi formal document to hold myself accountable to, I simply did nothing. 

Or maybe, 6 days somewhere is enough to get attached, that going anywhere after that long is going to be difficult. For New Years, I was in Kyoto for just 3 days, and I didn’t really want to leave there either. Then again, maybe this was just a fluke. 

Mental health doesn’t follow a series of hard and fast rules. Something that affected you before, might not affect you the same now. Maybe you won’t cry at the loss of a loved one, but maybe you’ll drop a spoon and burst into tears. I’ve almost cried from spilling an ice capp before, people aren’t rational beings. 

I’ve mostly blocked out my time in Osaka, trying not to let it seemingly “sully” my time in Okinawa. I hope over time I’ll soften on both myself and the time I spent there. There’s no sense in beating yourself up over the past, and it’s far more productive to try and see what lessons you can take away from the experience. 

While this was my first blush with some post vacation blues, have you ever had any experiences with it? What do you find helpful when you do feel overwhelmed at a beloved experience coming to an end? Is it simply an inevitable outcome when you have a trip that really resonates with you? 

While I certainly hope those feelings were a one time experience, at least if it creeps up on me again, I’ll have some ideas of what to expect. To do my best to stay present where I am, and commit to doing the things that I know will be better memories than staying in my hotel and sleeping all day. 

While my stay in Osaka might not have gone the way I’d hoped, it also shows just how much I adored Okinawa. If I get the chance, I think Okinawa would be the number one place I’d like to revisit. There was just so much to love on that tiny island, and I know the memory of my time there will always be a precious one.