Frozen Melancholy

It was my first day back to school after a quick weekend trip to Tokyo. I had gone to Ikebukuro with a friend, a new area of Tokyo to explore. It was a fun little trip, going to a few bars, a Pokemon center, and even a Denny’s. Of course, Monday had come too soon, and I woke up groggy and not quite ready to face the day. 

After I fumbled to find my phone and turned off my alarm, I glanced at my messages. To my surprise, I got a message from my supervisor, a somewhat rare occurrence this early in the morning. We were due for some snow today, and since I lacked snow tires, she urged me to stay home today and even tomorrow.

I fired off a few quick texts, confirming with my supervisor and letting a contact at my Monday school know about the situation. I opened the curtains expecting to see snow already falling, but to my surprise, it was just a cold, cloudy early morning. I checked the weather, the forecast indeed called for snow, but not for a few hours yet. 

I initially shrugged this off as my supervisor being overly cautious. While it’s true I didn’t have snow tires, I’m no stranger to driving in the snow, I am from Canada after all. Though, an unexpected day off was a gift horse I didn’t want to look in the mouth. I curled back under the covers, set some new alarms, and drifted back to sleep. 

I probably slept too long, but I took it as a sign that I was more tired from my weekend excursion than I realized. Finally getting out of bed around 11, I looked out the window again. This time the gray skies were replaced by thick snowflakes drifting from the sky. There was a small build up in places, but none of it seemed to be sticking to the road. 

Back home this certainly wouldn’t have qualified for a snow day, and I thought it was pretty funny that this small amount of snow gave me the day off. I hung around the house, made some pancakes, played some games, and cranked the heat in my apartment. 

I didn’t have the chance to go grocery shopping over the weekend, but I had some leftover food around the house and a few groceries that still needed to be used. Eventually I decided to venture out to the nearby 7-11 and grab a few things. It also gave me an excuse to leave the house. 

It had started coming down a bit harder now, and by the time I reached the store there were a few flakes caught on my hat and jacket. I slowly shifted from finding the whole snow day situation comically, to being relieved. If it kept up like this some of the small, narrow roads here in Japan probably would become treacherous. 

My Monday school was also the furthest away from me, clocking in at around an hour drive. An understandably different calculation than if I had been going to my main school just 5 minutes away. 

I stocked up on some snacks and instant ramen, enough to keep me fed and happy. I shot off a quick text to my ALT friend, the one who had gone with me to Tokyo, asking if they also got a snow day. Turns out they were getting sent home early due to the increasing snow. Like me, they were also given a pre-emptive snow day tomorrow. 

I returned back to my warm apartment, and even turned up the heat just a little. I didn’t do anything terribly productive with my newfound time off, but that was usually how I spent snow days back home too. Cold weather wasn’t particularly motivating, and if I’d been putting off chores this long was what another day or two. 

Later in the evening, I got a text from someone at my Monday school. They worked in the school office, and we had been gradually getting to know each other over the weeks.

They would come to visit me in the teacher’s room during the work day and we’d chat about what we’d been up to or what games we’d been playing. They were probably the closest I had to a Japanese friend. Since they had an interest in studying English they were always eager to try chatting with me, and I was happy to oblige. 

They asked if it was snowing where I was, so I took the opportunity to once again glance out the window. Things had changed radically since my venture to 7-11. Snow coated the ground, with big heavy snowflakes drifting down from the sky. This was definitely enough snow to warrant my unexpected snow day. 

I replied that we had gotten quite a bit of snow, and I had been given a snow day by my supervisor. Once the snow had gotten heavier they too were allowed to leave early so they could get home safe.

I had been feeling a little guilty about being given the day off, while my coworkers would still be going to school, so this did a lot to assuage my guilty conscience. Even the students (from what I could tell) had been dismissed early so they could get home safe. 

Starting to feel a little restless being home all day, lounging on my small loveseat, I decided to walk over to 7-11 for a smoke. I once again put on my hat and pulled on my boots, venturing out into the snow. It didn’t take me long to start thinking twice about this impromptu decision. 

The heavy snowflakes were coming down in droves, blown around by a cold winter breeze. The roads were empty, with only the occasional car slowly making its way down the snow covered roads. 

The snow quickly started to accumulate on my coat and my hat. I walked quickly, keeping my gaze down so the snow wouldn’t fly into my face and cover my glasses. When I finally made it to the small overhang of 7-11, a tiny refuge from the snow, I took in the snowy landscape. It felt so different then the normal scenery, and it started to make me feel nostalgic. 

I was reminded of all the snow days back home, watching flurries outside my window as I was curled up on my couch, my cat Oliver asleep on my lap. I felt waves of home sickness start to roll in, feelings I’ve mostly tried to keep at bay. While it tugged at my heart strings, I missed those cold days spent indoors with my family, it also brought back plenty of fond memories. 

Times where I’d braved the cold with my friends, had to drive home in unexpected snow, or had snowball fights in elementary school, often ending in tears.

Snow back home, while pretty, was often just seen as a major inconvenience. It meant Vancouver would shut down, as everyone had to remember how to drive in the snow, and transit, somehow, was never quite prepared for winter. 

Divorced from all those usual inconveniences, all I was left with was melancholy for days gone by, and all those snowy memories I felt I had forgotten. This was probably the most homesick I’ve felt since I arrived, and I was surprised that of all things, it was snow that really made me miss home. 

Usually I only like snow when I’m doing dedicated, snow required activities, otherwise I only liked it when I didn’t have to engage with it. For once, I was glad to see the snow, and all the memories it had brought with it. 

Walking back home, there was a wistfulness to the scenery, and I thought again about all the winter traditions I had missed out on this year.

Christmas with my family, going to the Christmas market, an orphan's Christmas with my friends, and snowboarding with my family. All bright spots in what is usually my least favorite time of the year. 

Finally, I got back to my cozy apartment, and did my best to shake off the snow. When I got inside I realized I forgot to shake off my hat, and so had to scatter snow on the floor, hoping the heater would help it dry quickly. 

The next morning, the snow had given way to rain. The unfortunate aftermath of any snow day, when everything becomes slush or turns to ice. This was probably even more treacherous than snowy streets, so I was glad I had another day to hide from the cold. 

This was the more dreary part of getting snow that I didn’t hold any fond memories for. I was happy to stay put, warm and dry. In the end, while the unexpected time off was certainly nice, it was the memories brought back by the snow that I was grateful for. 

While the melancholy that accompanied the snow made my chest tight, I was also glad to have so many fond memories of home. I’m so glad I decided to come to Japan, but at the same time, Vancouver was my home. The people there, the many great memories, and yes, even the snow, made me look forward to returning home. 

I don’t want to get bogged down in homesickness, I still have plenty of time left here in Japan, and I intend to make the most of it.

Missing home is only natural, and it reminds me that there is plenty dear to me back home. I have plenty more snow days, and new memories to make, waiting for me when I return back home.