Eventually, you stop seeking change, or finally reach that ever elusive goal you've been chasing, and before you know it, you’ve grown complacent. I wanted to come to Japan so badly, I figured the rest would fall into place once I got here. For a while, it did. I wanted to take trips, explore as much as I could, and have as many experiences as I could. Lately, I’ve been spending most weekends on my couch. 

It’s not a wholly bad thing mind you, alongside complacency often comes contentment. I’ve been carrying on through life, just going from one week to the next, largely satisfied with my life lately. It’s a little boring or lonely at times, some weekends I find myself growing restless, but completely manageable. 

After living in Japan for over 8 months though, somewhere along the way, I lost the drive to explore. I’ve probably seen more of Japan than most people get to see in their lifetime. I’ve gotten to experience the culture first hand day in and day out. The novelty of taking the train to Tokyo, or driving on the left side of the road have become routine. 

There’s certainly plenty more to see, and I have the opportunity to visit more out of the way places than your average visitor. Learning what those places are though is a lot more work. I’ve probably done most things on a “top 10 places in Japan” list, and visited all the places I had been dying to see. 

Perhaps it’s the inevitable slump that happens when you’re staying somewhere temporarily. The initial excitement has worn off, but the end is still far enough away that I’m not trying to make the most of every fleeting moment.  I’m content just to be here in Japan, and live my daily life, in many of the same ways I did back home. 

The problem is, my life isn’t the same as it was back home. I had to leave behind friends and family, relationships that meant a lot to me, and added a lot to my life. Without them, I need something to replace those empty spaces. For a while that was excitement. The excitement that came with living in a new country, having new experiences, exploring new places. 

Once excitement faded, it was replaced with familiarity. I slowly became familiar with my job, my town, and the culture. I hadn’t become confident, I still haven’t, but it wasn’t my first time anymore. I know what station to drive to, which train to take to Tokyo, how to order ramen from a ticket machine. I wasn’t overwhelmed by anxiety, and I was slowly learning to enjoy my new life here.  

After that desire came, I wanted to push myself more. I wanted to get more involved in my school, my community, and get better at the language. Now that I had become familiar with my surroundings, I wanted to push myself further. To really make the most out of the opportunities I had been given. 

Maybe this is the stage where I got stuck. I did get a little more involved, being put in charge of the school English club. I was also studying the language for a few minutes everyday, hoping I was gradually getting better. I still run the English club, and it’s always fun, but I don’t study Japanese like I used to. I never did get involved in any community activities outside of school either. 

Without really noticing, that desire slowly began to dissipate, and all I’m left with is complacency. I go to work, do what’s asked of me, run the English club, head home, and play games or watch TV. On weekends I hang around the house, do some chores, or maybe make a trip to Tokyo once or twice a month. It’s pretty similar to my schedule back home, but without making time for friends or family. 

It feels weird to complain about, since nothing is really wrong, but it’s that nagging feeling of always wondering, is this it? Is this really enough for you? If I had more friends here, would that chase these feelings away? If you had more places to see, or travel plans, would that assuage your doubts? If you felt more productive, would that give you the satisfaction you need? 

Complacency isn’t easy. At the borders of it there’s always those doubts that start to creep in. Long before I came to Japan, I had these same issues. I would take stock of my life, and wonder if I was happy, or even satisfied with my life. Usually I just needed to reassure myself that life was a journey, and I had plenty to be grateful for. 

Lately, my decision to stay in Japan another year has been on my mind almost constantly. Had I not decided to recontract, I would be getting ready to go home. If I had to leave in just a few weeks, would I be satisfied with my experience here in Japan? Would I have spent my time differently if I had been leaving? Will my experiences in the coming year be enough that I won’t feel like I missed out on being with my loved ones? 

The answers to those what ifs change almost daily. It depends on my mood, if I’m hungry, if I got enough sleep, really anything and everything. I hoped once I made my commitment to another year, that would be the end of it. Of course, it’s never that easy, and we always wonder about the paths we didn’t take, even if we made those decisions months, or even years prior. 

I can’t really change my mind now, and I believe in the long run I’ll always be glad for my time here in Japan. The weekends spent lazing around the house, second guessing my decisions, will fade away. What I’ll be left with are the incredible experiences like visiting Shibuya for the first time, or spending Golden week with my family. 

I’m sure I’ll make plenty of great memories with the time I have left here, they just might take a bit more planning. I don’t have that same drive as when I first arrived, so it might take a little more work to tear me away from my couch, to shake off the weight of complacency that threatens to hold you down. 

When I look back on my time in Japan, I don’t want to remember complacency. I need to take time when needed to relax and recharge of course, but I want to make the most of this unique opportunity. Life is a constant push and pull between wanting more and finding satisfaction in what you have.I came to Japan to push myself, and figuring out how to spend my time here is part of that challenge.